Book Review: Thirteen Orphans

The Chinese zodiac, for most, is just a cute little wheel of 12 animals printed on paper placemats in a Chinese restaurant. While waiting for their food to be delivered, some people glance at the circle, quickly finding their animal representation with barely a second thought.

Jane Lindskold, an up-and-coming fantasy novelist, has taken the zodiac to a new level in her most recent novel, “Thirteen Orphans.” Exploring the Chinese myth behind the 12 animals and incorporating the gambling game Mahjong, Lindskold attempts to give her readers a different kind of story. Was she successful in her endeavor? Definitely not.

“Thirteen Orphans” follows young collegiate Brenda Morris as she is inducted into the strange world of the Thirteen Orphans, people with magical abilities who are associated with the twelve animals and their dethroned Emperor. Along with her father (the Rat), a close family friend (the Tiger) and three other “orphans” (the Dog, the Rabbit and the Rooster), they embark on a perilous journey (of course) to find out who is stealing the memories of the other “orphans.” It’s pretty easy to follow and extremely easy to get bored with.

“Thirteen Orphans” is the first novel in Lindskold’s new series “Breaking the Wall” and, like most first novels in series, it has a lot of setting up to do. The trickiest part is to balance between setting up and keeping the plot moving, something that Lindskold failed miserably at. The book’s 368 pages are full of dialogue geared towards explaining concepts and history of the “orphans” to the reader, as well as covering repeatedly the same plan to save the afflicted “orphans.”

The only real development in story came at the very end, but still not gratifying enough to rationalize reading the previous 300 pages. Had the dialogue not been so contrived, it might have given the story more oomph.
Another factor to consider is the actual characters. The main protagonist, Brenda, who is supposed to be a college freshman, is way too easygoing. She has no clue about the “orphans” and when she suddenly receives a crash course in her ancestral heritage, she’s pretty mellow about it.

Hold the phone. An 18-year-old girl has just been told that she is an heiress to a powerful magician (and not the hocus pocus kind), that the game of Mahjong is actually a powerful magical tool and that her ancestors are not from the earthly world and all she does is shrug her shoulders? In no way is that realistic.

Herein lies another fatal flaw with Lindskold’s work: her characters are entirely fictional; they have no realistic qualities or mannerisms. Though the characters were duds (none were likeable enough), Lindskold’s writing was a little above average. Her true writing talent shines through in her other works, most notably in the “Firekeeper” saga.

“Thirteen Orphans” was easy to lose interest in, the characters were unrealistic and the writing was OK. Maybe the best things about the book are the details of playing Mahjong and the extensive research Lindskold did in Chinese mythology and history. If you’re still interested after all of that, give the novel a go; maybe the second book will be better. Otherwise, this is definitely not a book one would recommend.
1 out of 5

Book Review: A Lion Among Men

“We’re off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz!”

Those memorable words from the classic 1939 movie “The Wizard of Oz” have sparked “wiz mania” in today’s culture-rich world. From the latest TV adaptation, “Tin Man,” to the acclaimed Broadway musical “Wicked,” the classic Oz story never goes out of style.

In the literary world, award-winning author Gregory Maguire gives the Land of Oz new life in his latest novel, “A Lion Among Men,” telling the tale from the viewpoint of the “overlooked” characters originally created by L. Frank Baum.

Before reading “A Lion Among Men,” check out Maguire’s other two Oz novels.
The first novel, “Wicked,” paints a different picture of the land Dorothy visited in the movie. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, acclaimed ruler and altogether great guy, turned out not to be so wonderful after all. The Wizard of Oz (WOO) was a tyrant who oppressed the people of Oz.

Maguire instead gave the world the real hero (or heroine) in the Land of Oz: public enemy number one, the Wicked Witch of the West. Elphaba Thropp, the supposed Wicked Witch, was born green, cursed to a destiny as an outcast. She was an “evil witch” fighting against the WOO, trying to free the land from an oppressor, and spent her life doing what she thought right.

In death, she left behind her young son Liir, whose story is told in Maguire’s second novel, “Son of a Witch.”
In “A Lion Among Men,” the latest tale of Oz follows the Cowardly Lion, Brrr, on a mission to record the truth behind Elphaba’s infamous past and find the Grimmerie, her mysterious magic book — all to keep his own hide out of jail. War looms on the horizon between Oz and the seceded Munchkinland, and the enigmatic Clock of the Time Dragon roams again around the countryside.

A newly self-appointed emperor sits on the throne and is a new-fangled tyrant in the making. In a world where magic exists and the politics of the Emerald City choke the land, it’s up to the cowardly, wicked and morally corrupt to break free of their own infamy and save Oz.

The narrative provides a view of viable, dynamic characters. They feel pain; they suffer, and they have hopes and fears. The main characters in Maguire’s novel are Brrr, the Cowardly Lion, an old prophetess, Yackle, a young girl saved from captivity by the keepers of the Clock of the Time Dragon and a strange, fragile cat that seems made of glass.

The story is told mostly from Brrr’s point of view, and it is interesting to note how cynical the Cowardly Lion is. The reader automatically sympathizes with Brrr in the beginning as he recounts his first encounter with man: a conversation he had with a young man whose leg was caught in a trap. Brrr, a young cub at this point, does not understand the man’s suffering and it’s painful as a reader to watch the interaction between the two.
After a while, Brrr’s tendencies, mannerisms and selfishness become aggravating and the question has to be asked: will Brrr ever be able to overcome his own cowardice to become a decent (and likeable) character?
Though the characterizations are fabulous, the storyline can be slow and tiresome. Some of the actions are easily passed over; dull to readers, the importance of some passages become inconsequential. The writing itself is average, on par with majority of other fantasy writers.

In Maguire’s case, it is the storytelling that makes the novel so great, not the writing. When he debuted “Wicked” in 1995, it was a phenomenal hit. The story was new, exciting, intriguing and captivating. Sadly, as is the case with most sequels and series, “A Lion Among Men” pales in comparison. The bravado found first in “Wicked” has since diminished, and it is as if Maguire is continuing on his version of Oz to appease readers’ insatiable desires to know what happens after the melting of the Wicked Witch.

Avid fan of the “Wicked” series? Go buy a copy today. Merely curious as to how Maguire personifies the Cowardly Lion? Go to the nearest library and rent a copy. Enjoy the novel and be prepared for dry spots. Stick with it though; it’s rewarding in the end.
4 out of 5 stars

Book Review: Dumbocracy

In a nation where politics rule and extremists run rampant through our neighborhood streets, one man dares to stand up against the insanity to voice his opinions loud and in all profanity. Get ready for the outrageous ranting about feminists to the raving doctrines of religious zealots in Marty Beckerman’s newest slanderous novel “Dumbocracy: Adventures with the Loony Left, the Rabid Right and Other American Idiots.”

Spending four years on the frontlines of the hottest American debates interviewing the grunt workers from both the political left and right, Beckerman has created a hilarious and scathing commentary bashing the “True Believer mentality.” The book explores American and foreign policies when it comes to abortion, gay rights, sex, drugs and all those other things considered poisons on society. Packed with interviews from both sides, Beckerman exposes the hypocrisies lying at the heart of their arguments and gives his candid opinions, no matter how offensive, saucy or chock-full of vulgarities.

The first sentence in the introduction sums up what a reader should expect from this book: “Opinions are like genitals: if you force others to swallow yours, something is seriously wrong with you.” The insults, criticisms, “snarky” footnote comments and all around bashing are refreshing.

Making fun of extremists and the government is nothing new — “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” do this five days a week. Even cartoons such as “South Park” are constantly ripping on anti-sex/violence/drugs/fun movements.

It’s refreshing to get the same quality entertainment from a book. Each chapter highlights specific arguments between the left and right from abortion, to foreign policy, to the insanity of a puritanical government that cares nothing for free will and the right to pursue happiness (however each person defines the phrase).

The titles for each section are hilarious enough by themselves. Beckerman’s satirical ravings bring tears to the eyes and pain to the diaphragm from all the subsequent laughter.
The most difficult thing to accomplish with such a book is to actually get people to read and take the opinions written down on the page into consideration. Beckerman does this easily with his style of writing: openly critique with clever one-liners and let the crazies dig their own holes with their words, and throw in a few well placed profanities for some flavor. Magnifique!
He also throws stats around left and right (no pun intended), using nifty little factoids to spice things up and laugh in the faces of those he criticizes.

This is a must read for anyone, whether a feminist or god-fearing zealot, pornographic supporter or anti-fun campaigner. Go out today, purchase a copy, laugh a lot and enjoy a wonderful novel bashing the insanity of today’s society.
5 out of 5 stars.

Book Review: The Other Queen

Romance, intrigue, and politics can all be found in Philippa Gregory’s newest historical fiction novel, “The Other Queen.”

Moving away from the Tudor royal court, Gregory takes her readers into the countryside of England to the home of George Talbot, Earl of Shrewsbury. It is here that Mary Stuart, also known as Mary, Queen of Scots, resides as a “guest” after she seeks sanctuary from her own country. In reality, she is a prisoner, treated with comfort and care until her execution day. But she finds no love or sympathy in the Earl’s wife, Bess of Hardwick, who is a staunch royalist. Determined to see Mary hung, Bess will stop at nothing to bring her down and gain back the love of her husband.

Also wrapped up in the political intrigue are William Cecil, the right hand man of Queen Elizabeth, and Thomas Howard, cousin to the Queen and the Duke of Norfolk, as well as many more prominent figures in 16th century England.

As always, Gregory does a beautiful job of painting a picture of England while under the rule of the Tudors. Unlike her other novels of this era, Gregory switches gears, focusing on a Queen whose reputation as “a vain woman, a sinful woman, an idolatrous Papist woman” clouds the truth of who she really was. Gregory attempts to open her readers’ minds by showing the true character of Mary, giving her audience her vision of a strong woman faced with difficulty choices trying to keep her head.

This is what Gregory does best in her writing; she chooses women, strong women in their own right, and extrapolates from her research their characters, their personalities. Talbot’s wife, Bess, is a woman who had at least three marriages before landing an Earl and all three times she married to her advantage. Her business-like nature, conniving and cunning are the attributes that kept her alive and well, but it’s easy to forget her vulnerability and the vulnerability of Mary as well.

Though Gregory is a great writer, her stories are pretty much predictable. The trickiest thing about being a historical fiction author is that they cannot change history. Certain events must occur, some characters are doomed to disaster and the “good guy” does not always triumph.

The reader knows how the story will end, but the joy of reading a historical novel is not to reach the culmination of events. One reads this genre to understand more about the people in history, to see how their minds worked and their personalities through the eyes of the author.

So even if Gregory’s stories can be predicted and her writing style never changes, she can still weave together a beautiful piece of fiction to be enjoyed by almost anyone, men and women alike.
4 out of 5 stars

Book Review: Assassin's Rage

The newest edition to Western Illinois University professor emeritus Charles O’Brien’s Anne Cartier mystery novels, “Assassin’s Rage,” is a tale full of deception, intrigue, violence, the mystery of several assassinations of royal officers and the murder of an innocent baker.

Anne Cartier, wife of prominent Colonel Paul de Saint-Martin, is an ex-vaudeville actress turned teacher of the deaf living in Paris during the pre-revolution years. The story revolves around the storming of the Parisian Bastille and the plots perpetrated by the Duc d’Orleans to overthrow the King.

Beware: this is a historical crime novel that is embedded deeply in historical facts. Not only that, but “Assassin’s Rage” takes place during the late 18th century in pre-revolutionary France. There are terms that may be confusing and words that are difficult to pronounce.

Like all great historical novels, there are several prominent real-life people depicted as characters with their personalities and mannerisms fleshed out by O’Brien’s image of who these people were.
It’s interesting that the protagonist of an 18th century based novel is a woman and an ex-vaudeville actress to boot. Women barely had social standing, yet Anne is able to make a stand, to investigate a variety of mysteries and gain the respect of a patriarchal society. She’s an amazing woman, a great protagonist and makes for an intriguing character to follow through the course of events.

Unfortunately, this is the 7th book in a series, so the author assumes that the other books were read prior to starting the latest. In order to fully understand the characters, their motivations and pasts, start with the first book, “Mute Witness,” and work your way through.

O’Brien taught European history during his time at Western. He started writing during the years he traveled between Williamstown, Mass. and Macomb “(wanting) to make use of his time on board and in airports.”
Both his interest in history and the reading choices of fellow passengers influenced his decision to write historical crime novels. “The idea of ‘Mute Witness’ blossomed in the air between Albany and Chicago,” he said.
The difficulty most academic writers find when writing a fictional piece is re-wiring how they think. Instead of simply describing an event in history, O’Brien had to write the event through the experiences of his characters, using their thoughts, feelings and biases to relay the event for the reader. With the help of a colleague in Western’s English department, O’Brien was able to make the transition to a true fiction writer while adding his own flavor of historical facts and well-researched backgrounds.

In his writing, O’Brien includes maps of the areas he talks about to aid readers as they try to grasp an image of where the story is unfolding. He also had more learning to do in certain areas of history.

For example, O’Brien says he “already knew a great deal of ‘high’ history,” such as political, social and economic trends, but he “needed to learn ‘low’ history” like puppetry, clothing, cuisine, popular customs and sports in order to etch out a well-rounded historical fiction. O’Brien’s effort has created a wonderful piece of literature, a great read for any student to broaden their horizon on 18th century French culture and intrigue.

4 stars out of 5

Book Review: The Bell at Sealey Head

“Inevitably his thoughts would turn to the bell that tolled each day, exactly when the last burning shard of sunlight vanished beneath the waves. As though someone in an invisible world watched, and in that precise, ephemeral moment, the dying sun and the single toll bridged one another’s worlds.”

World Fantasy Award-winning Patricia A. McKillip’s newest novel, “The Bell at Sealey Head,” is the tale of a seaside fishing town that is haunted with the ringing of an ethereal bell at sunset and the people who become wrapped up in discovering the truth.

Ridley Dow, a mysterious scholar from the big city, comes to Sealey Head in search of the bell and sets of a series of events leading to the destruction of an ancient ritual and discovery of a magical world inside the ancient Aislinn House at the outskirts of town. Along for the ride is Judd Cauley, son of the local innkeeper, Gwyneth Blair, bookish daughter of a local merchant, Emma Wood and her mother Hesper who work in Aislinn House and the strange and somewhat uptight Lady Miranda Beryl, heir to Aislinn House.

McKillip has a unique style of writing; she’s descriptive but not in the usual clichéd way. Her plots are captivating and her characters always multi-faceted. After reading several of her other works, I have to say that this is the weakest one yet. The story is blasé, and the characters are somewhat shallow. She doesn’t delve deep into what makes them tick and (aside from the aforementioned people) there are a multitude of characters dotting this new fantasy novel.

Even though the bell seems to be the underlying current of the plot (it is in the title, after all), you rarely hear mention of it. The people at Sealey Head have become so accustomed to the ringing of the bell that they don’t even notice it anymore, and even Ridley Dow mentions it only a few times and he’s supposed to be searching for it. The whole novel is pretty much all the characters riding to-and-fro in Sealey Head conversing about horses, books, and how to throw a dancing party without being rude. Disappointment comes to mind after reading this novel, but as a loyal fan of McKillip, I don’t want to put it down too much. “The Bell at Sealey Head” has its moments of suspense, romance, action and magic, you just have to stick with it through the parts that make you yawn and want to put the book down. I give it 2 ½ stars out of 5.

Book Review: 13 Things That Don't Make Sense

In Michael Brooks’ non-fiction hit “13 Things That Don’t Make Sense: The Most Baffling Scientific Mysteries of Our Time,” he blows open the door to science’s most notorious anomalies that have our leading scientists running circles.

It may not sound so exciting. After all, it is a non-fiction novel about science; most of us have difficulty staying awake while reading our chemistry textbooks.

So what makes this science novel different from the rest? Brooks’ unique style of turning complicated scientific materials into easy reads and adding his own brand of humor helps keep the story lively and fun. If Brooks wrote purely science fiction, he’d be the new Douglas Adams.
The book begins with Brooks standing in a hotel lobby watching three Nobel laureates attempting to close the gate of an old-fashioned elevator. He makes a great statement with this first observation, noting how he “likes to think of scientists as being on top of things, able to explain the world we live in, masters of their universe. But maybe that’s just a comforting delusion.” Scientists aren’t omniscient; they can struggle with the most mundane like anybody else. In a word, they’re human.

According to Brooks, these 13 scientific mysteries are the key to an upcoming scientific revolution. Scientists are stuck at an impasse, and now they must go back to re-evaluate data and theories that could rock the very foundations of the science world. In the first chapter, Brooks says only 4 percent of the universe can be accounted for. What happened to the rest? He delves deep into the past, citing a variety of different scientists (famous or not) who have helped discover bits and pieces, shaping the puzzle. Simply put, the universe is expanding at a rapid rate and unseen forces, labeled by scientists as dark matter and energy, are playing havoc with our laws of physics.

Also in that category are the two Pioneer probes that are openly flouting the laws, and 30 years later, scientists are still no closer to figuring out why.

Some of the other mysteries addressed in the book include cold fusion, a giant virus that’s a freak of nature, the ever-popular placebo effect, death and a radio signal from outer space.
One of my favorite chapters deals with free will. Neurologists have long wondered whether we can consciously control our movements and actions. Some argue that it’s all self-deception. Through experiments, they found in their results that before one is even aware that they are going to tap their finger, the brain is already firing signals to do the action. Basically, the brain is telling our bodies what to do whether we choose to do it or not. But if we have no free will, what makes us human?

Not all of the chapters are as riveting as others, but they are well researched and worth reading. I found myself laughing at times and struck speechless at others. Go out to your nearest bookstore or Amazon.com and purchase a copy for yourself. This is a must read book for anyone. I give it 5 out of 5 stars.

Book Review: The Eighth Day

New to the writing scene is author Tom Avitabile, a Senior Creative Director at a New York advertising firm that has dabbled in engineering, computers and has a few film and television credits in his back pocket. In his debut novel “The Eighth Day,” Avitabile explores the use of mind control and supposed terrorist attacks to prevent advances in technology.

The story follows a variety of different characters, mainly focusing on “Wild Bill” Hiccock, science advisor to the President. After a series of bizarre attacks on technology institutions by ordinary citizens, Hiccock is assigned to create a task force and track down the mastermind(s) behind the attacks. A part of his team is his ex-wife, Janice Tyler, a leading behavioral psychologist, an ex-Admiral who had speculated 30 years prior that these very incidents might occur and a hotshot computer hacker named Kronos. Together they follow leads and speculations to track down and prevent further attacks on advancing technology.

“Common” is the best way to describe the book. Amidst a shaky and improbable plot are a multitude of characters thrown at the reader on almost every page. Aside from the four to six “main” characters, it’s hard to keep track of who’s who and what their importance is to the storyline. The first five chapters remind me of any John Grisham novel with about 10-20 characters that have little importance to the plot that are introduced and are never seen again. Then there is the lack of depth to the main characters. All we know about Hiccock is that he was once a great football star, but gave it all up for his love of science (now there’s a dichotomy that’s screaming obvious). Everyone in the novel is two-dimensional; they lack the depth that authors such as Elizabeth Haydon or Thomas Harris give their characters with ease.

The storyline is mediocre at best and very slow to start out. A hundred pages in, I was still waiting for the plot to take off. I’ll give Avitabile some credit; it is his first novel, but I wouldn’t put it in my top 50 books of the year. This is a book to be read once, and only once. If you feel the need to read it, go to the nearest library and check a copy out. Be prepared though, you won’t be wowed or blown away — just lulled into a doze. I give the book 2 stars out of 5.

Book Review: Gods Behaving Badly

What happens when you take modern-day London, mix in 12 Greek gods and top it off with two clueless mortals? Laughs and a whole lot of girls turning into trees. The title of this outrageous novel, “Gods Behaving Badly by Marie Phillips,” pretty much sums up what you find in the story. Although all the gods of Mount Olympus make some sort of appearance, the main focus is on Artemis, her twin brother Apollo and the ever-seductive Aphrodite.

The gods are losing their powers. Forced to live in a run-down, dirty, old townhouse, they struggle to deal with this new way of life. Artemis, goddess of the hunt and once the leader of the pack, is now a dog walker wearing bland track suits. Apollo, god of the sun, who was once a playboy, is now a lowly TV psychic who has lost the subtlety of flirting. And Aphrodite, goddess of beauty, revels in her job as a phone sex operator.

When Apollo and Aphrodite have a fight, Aphrodite is determined to give Apollo a taste of his own medicine. Convincing her son Eros to help, she shoots Apollo with a love arrow, forcing him to fall in love with the first woman he sees: Alice, a simple, naive cleaning woman. But things don’t get crazy until Alice is hired to clean the gods’ house and rejects Apollo’s advances. Now, it’s up to mousy-looking Neil, who, by the way, is head-over-heels in love with Alice, to become a hero like Odysseus and save Alice, the gods and the world from chaos.

Ridiculous is the best way to describe this romantic comedy. Promiscuous sex, Scrabble tournaments in the underworld and an old, decrepit Zeus standing naked on a rooftop flinging lightning bolts are just a few of the odd things you’ll come across in this story. Nothing’s too crazy for Phillips; she pulls out all the stops.

“Gods Behaving Badly” is one of those books that you read once and put back on the shelf. It’s not profound, deep or captivating. The writing is OK, not on par with some other authors I’ve read such as Patricia A. McKillip. Also, the humor pales in comparison to Douglas Adams’ “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,” but it does have its own charms. Phillips does an amazing job of characterizing the ancient Olympian gods. They are arrogant and their behavior matches quite nicely with what they are supposed to be “gods” of. The two mortals, Alice and Neil, are hilarious in their ignorance of almost everything and become the most unlikely heroes.

This novel is one to be read on a lazy Sunday afternoon while waiting for dinner. If you’re looking for something outlandish, this is definitely the book for you. I give it three lightning bolts out of five.

Book Review: Sharp Teeth

Written in a style most commonly associated with “Beowulf,” Toby Barlow’s “Sharp Teeth” has a rhythm all its own. It tells the story of a pack of lycanthropes (werewolves — sort of) who are silently manipulating the chaotic city of Los Angeles to meet their own ends. But someone in the pack has betrayed them, joining a rival pack and slaughtering those who wouldn’t join.

Lark, the leader of the old pack, is in hiding with a plan to raise a new pack, and “the girl” (as she’s only known as) of the first pack has gone AWOL and fallen in love with Anthony Silvo, a naïve, mild mannered dogcatcher. Worlds collide and nothing is really what it seems in this epic story about wanting to belong and discovering your true self.

I found this story riveting, and what really caught my eye is the actual style the story is written in and how Barlow takes the fantastical idea of werewolves and makes it seem a part of our reality. “Sharp Teeth” is epic poem style, with sentences spanning four or five lines. If you’ve ever read “Beowulf,” you know the basic structure of this book. It will take a little while for you to get used to the way it reads (after all, how often do you come upon the epic poem style in today’s fiction novels?), but soon everything clicks and you just fall into the story’s lyrical flow; three pages soon turn into 50.

Now, “Sharp Teeth” isn’t a fantasy. The book is classified being strictly fiction, with a touch of horror (if you get squeamish, I would not suggest this book for you, there is a lot of detailed killing). Do not be fooled by the whole werewolf idea; the characters act and reason like real people — they just have an added ability to change their shape. You’ll find that there are only a few characters that are actually human, but they’re just as lovable as the furry ones.

The book does start off a little slow, but stick with it because you’ll soon be caught up in the story, unfolding with every page you turn. I give it four teeth out of five.